Griping at God

Lately when I've been spending time with God, I sense that He wants more from me....or more of me!  It's comforting to know that God and Don, the sweet man to whom I've been married for 36 years (Aug. 9th) still want more of this old woman....who is grouchy more than I ever thought I could be!  For many years, I have been writing my prayers, but again, I think God wants more from me....more struggling with Him in prayer, more of my gut feelings that can't even be written down in neat, legible computer font.  He still wakes me up with a song, as he does my hubby.  Our songs tell us a lot about where God has taken us in our dreams, and sometimes He gets after us with our morning songs!  Don and I have been griping at each other a lot lately.  We have had a hard year, the hardest so far.  We find ourselves talking too much about problems and not saying, "thank you:" to each other enough.  I suspect we have been treating God that way also.  Maybe He just wants to hear our "gripes" aimed His way, instead of at each other.  So, last night, I watched a sad episode of the Waltons after Don went to bed, and I gave God my worst.  He can take it.  He's God.  And He turned it into my best.  He did a Romans 8:28 on me, and so I stayed up all night writing, and this morning Don found a less gripey version of his same old wife!  He hugged me and apologized for being gripey with me last night.  I apologized too, and we gave each other our morning kiss.  I'll find out what his song was later, and I'll share my prayer time.  It's the best part of marriage....being friends!

This, too, will pass!

Yesterday it rained in torrents here!  The rain was so heavy at times that many roads had to be shut down, and it was too much to even consider making the walk from the parking lot to the movie theater, so we just camped out at home.  It reminded me of a storm we are currently experiencing in our family.  It is not the hurricanes of the past, or even a quick moving, though devastating, tornado.  This is more of a long, drench-you-to-the-bones, soaking rain, like yesterday.  We know when it began, but we do not know when it will end...or how it will end.

It is beyond my ability to fix this situation, and the hardest thing for me about it is that I have to wait.  While I wait, I have many things that I need and want to do.  But I'm off-kilter, mid-crisis, and depending on someone else to make choices.  Still, I have my supporters and critics.    There are no easy answers, and we just have to wait out the judgements.  Only time will prove them right or wrong.  It doesn't really matter to me who is right and who is wrong.  I just want the best thing to happen for my loved ones.

So what do I do mid-crisis?  I hug my husband, I serve the Lord, I pray for who and what I cannot control.  I read my Bible,  put one foot in front of the other, and hope we are walking the right way.  I guess, right now, this is what it means to live by faith.  Trust in the Lord to guide us along our path.  Make the choices He would have us make...support each other.  Love Him...love others.  What else can we do?  This, too,  will pass.